So.  It’s been a month since I’ve set fingers to keys for anything other than FB ranting or Outlook emails. And what a month it’s been! Where to begin, oh where to begin.  Hmmmm let’s start with my head.  No, not the remedial ramblings that take place inside my spherical dome, but the follicles that are attached to it’s surface.

Mermaids…..

To say I change my look the way one changes their underpants is accurate to say the least. My hair has gone from my waist to my shoulder to mid-back up to pixie & back again.  I’ve been almost every color under the sun from ginger to brunette to sapphire blue.  My latest whim? The apparently now trending “grandma hair.”  Let me put this out there though, I was going grey (totally unnaturally by choice) wayy before the Buzzfeed article hit cyberspace.  I like to think of myself as one step ahead of the trends.  Just sayin’.  For the record.  You know.  Anyhoot, I decided to go gray a while back but just needed to find the right stylist.  Enter my gawgeous blast from the past Jeni.  Friends and choir buddies (yes, yes I was a choir geek in high school) way back when, I had posted my “inspiration” picture on FB secretly hoping that my long lost friend would see it and offer to do my hair.  AHHH, the power of the ‘book.  Where did the inspiration come from?  Why, IG of course! Check it: 

Cute right?  The color, not the face. Relax.  I’m not being a “hater” or whatever Urban Dictionary vernacular you’d like to use.  She’s a pretty girl, just wayyyy to much kissy face for my taste.

Moving on.  This is the picture I posted to my FB account and wouldn’t you know it Jeni commented, we exchanged numbers and 3 weeks later I was at her salon in Hackensack.  STOKED to get my hurr did.  Ten hours later, 2 bleaches, and 5 color attempts, “stoked” was not really the word I had in mind anymore.  Apparently some Hispanic mother somewhere along the line told my old friend the Universe that women should not dye their hair when they are on the rag.  OH.  OK.  How in the glorious F*CK was I supposed to know this?! Not to mention, I didn’t have it when I walked through the door.  But OH! was Aunt Flo on her way with vengeance.  MAAAANNNNN SCREW MOTHER NATURE! It wasn’t until after everything that I realized my overcharged hormones (thaaaankkkk youuuuu angry uterus) were what was hindering my transition process. The process looked something like this:

And wound up with this:

Not exactly the same right?  Oh you see it too?  IT’S BLUE! Well some of it anyway.  Other parts are green, other are grey, there’s some blonde in there somewhere.  Did I mention by 9pm (my appointment was for 10am BTW!) my scalp was on fire and the salon staff was on a mission to find sweet & low to pour on my ghost rider-esk cranium.  Something about some ingredient doing something to cool it down blah blah blah THAT SHIT HURT! Until they doused me with the magic sugar powder anyway.

I have to say despite my stubborn SOB hair the salon staff was super helpful, apologetic, hilarious, and overall great.  Don’t let the colors fool you.  This is TOTALLY my fault.  You see, my life, yeah… it’s one big effin misadventure, I mean how could this NOT happen.

Continuing on.  Normally the “me” I know, and everyone else knows, would have been FLIPPING OUT.  I mean “cuss you out cuz you ain’t my mama” FLIPPIN’! Uncharacteristically & surprisingly I was so calm it shocked both Jeni and myself.  We laughed about it.  (Did I mention I lah-lah-LOVE her and am SO happy to have her around again?! Yeh.  I am!) I can’t tell you why I was so calm. I hadn’t eaten, my head was about 2 minutes from rolling off from chemical burns, and my hair well we had to cut about 2 inches off to get rid of the damage from the dye.  But I was calm.  I credit my recently received Moonstone I got from Katie’s Basement shop on Etsy.com.  (Story to come! Also in less than a month, I SWEAR!)

Either way.  I was calm and walked out with my freakishly strange yet possibly stylish blueish, sea-foam greenish, a little bit grayish hair.  Hey! Seafoam?! Greenish Blue. I got it! I walked out a mermaid! Just add sea water & tail! Ohhhhhh mannnn I always knew I was some kind of fairytale creature!

The finished product, styled & primped was this:

Depending on the light it shimmered from a light grey to a blue and sometimes a green or I even got blonde.  The point is friends…. I am now a mermaid. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Somewhere along the line the color has now shifted to an ash blonde with grey highlights and I return for the rest another transition in about 2 weeks.

Just another way that life is simply not simple or normal.  Ever.  Period.  It’s one misadventure after another.  Walk in a woman, walk out a mermaid.  But hey, at least I get to be friends with a bad-ass crab and a flounder someday.  Or at least I can dream.

See ’round the coral reef darlings!