I asked the Universe why there is an incessant pull to and towards you since we’ve met. And even though she stubbornly refused to answer me, I figured some things out on my own.

Here’s the thing.

I could really, genuinely be with you . Doesn’t make sense, I feel weird saying it, and quite honestly I don’t know how it’s even possible…. but it’d be easy to let myself fall face first into and for you. It’s that simple. It’s that simple and actually quite terrifying to admit but I feel it every time I’m near you. It’s not something I’ve experienced often, and not something many people would understand. But I think you do. Without me having to dive deeper in.

The problem is, you’re not there yet. Or maybe you are but you just aren’t ready to deal. Maybe it’s not even me that you’re “there” with. Maybe I’m actually insane. I’ve even considered the possibility of you being a narcissist…… but that would mean that the person I know, the person you are around me, when you talk to me, the energy you give off, the way you look at me when you’re not hiding behind your smirk, doesn’t actually exist. And I refuse to believe that. I’ll gladly take the label of insane to have known him. To have known that version of you. Even if that makes me just as pathetic as your other “fans”.

But I think I see through your bullshit. All of it. Even the bullshit you tell yourself.

See but that’s my problem. I see THROUGH people. I see to their core. Who they really are. Who they’re capable of being if they stopped trying so hard. That’s why I speak to you the way I do, treat you the way I do, and support you in any way I can (professionally and personally). Because I SEE you. All of you. Every layer. Even if I don’t understand all the “whys” behind it.

But my point is that dealing with you, speaking with you, getting to know you, sleeping with you, I am incapable of doing without falling into all of…. THAT. And I can’t fall into all of THAT with someone who is too busy being all these other versions of himself because he doesn’t want to deal with his internal shit. And we all have internal shit. We’re all fucked up or broken in some way. But in order to grow and actually find peace or success or fuck it, happiness, we have to deal with it.

You need to figure your shit out my gorgeous man. And I say that with so much love. Not judgement. Truly, it’s not. Like I said, we all have our shit. Myself included. But you sir, you need to figure yours out before you hurt someone, or keep hurting yourself by stunting who and what you could be. The you I KNOW, or think I know, is fucking amazing. He’s actually a beautiful human and I hope for your sake you figure out how to let him exist in peace. Even if that peace you find is not with me, I hope you find it. I hope you find it and she loves you more than you ever imagined.

Your soul is tired because you are not in alignment with who you actually are. It’s why you feel so much discomfort and unease repeatedly. Meet yourself mylove, let him in. Take it from someone who’s met him once or twice, you’ll love him.

Maybe I’ll meet him again one day too. But right now, this you? I just can’t.