Yesterday I went to the supermarket to pick up dinner and found myself wandering around the floral department. You see I had purchased a small bouquet of flowers a few months ago and when they died they had dried in the most beautiful way that they stayed fully intact and simply looked like they were meant to be that way. So I kept them on my table as the centerpiece. We were in the dark part of the year where we are meant to honor death and the process of life, so it made even more sense.

But now we were coming into the light part of the year and it was time for a change. I have recently been focusing on finding the brighter outlook of things, so as simple as it sounds, starting with fresh flowers in my house was of utmost importance to me. So I started meandering around the floral department in Acme trying to decide which flowers I wanted. After looking at mixed bouquets, roses, sunflowers, I finally settled on White Lilies. All white, super fragrant, perfect to bring in the light. Also a great flower to kick off Taurus season as they also represent this zodiac sign.

A little back story for you:

While Taurus’ are known as the bull, strong headed and fierce, they are also sensual, warmhearted, romantic. They respect history and tradition. Taurus’ appreciate nature and all that come with it. They have this indulgent side that most people don’t realize and look for exquisite beauty in all that they do. Passion, pleasure, comfort.

Lilies have symbolism that dates all the way back to ancient Greece. Their name derived from the Greek word “Leiron”, in myths lilies were a symbol of the Goddess Hera. Ancient Greeks believed lilies sprouted from the milk of Hera. Now Hera gets a bad rap for being vengeful and spiteful but what people forget sometimes is that she is also the goddess married women turn to for help. In the myth of the Golden Fleece she is the protector of heroes and the inspiration of heroic deeds. This was my vision for purchasing these pure white lilies. To draw in the power of Taurus (value, self worth, abundance) and the power of Hera (strength, heroism, queen status).

So I picked a bouquet that only had one or two blooms open and took them straight home.

Before even putting my groceries away I immediately tossed my old dried bouquet, cut the stems of my gorgeous new lilies, found my prettiest clear mason jar, and put them into cold water and went about the rest of my day. It was a rainy Sunday so I did some writing, watched a movie, and read some of my witchy books. (A witch can never be too educated you know!) And every time I walked past my table I could smell their fragrance and it brought me a little more peace.

Before going to sleep I looked at the centerpiece and smiled, turned out the lights and hit my bed.

When I woke up this morning though I was greeted with a surprise.

My bouquet was infiltrated!

Hidden in all the tightly closed buds, there was a singular pink Stargazer.

I kind of just stood there in awe looking at it.

It might seem super insignificant, but in that early morning moment, I was stuck on this singular fuchsia flower.

I mentioned earlier that I have been trying to focus on the brighter side of things. I’m coming out of a very trying time in life where I’ve felt insignificant, unworthy, and just unwanted. I’d created this story in my head that I wasn’t good enough because I was different. The word I used was “difficult.” No matter what I tried it wasn’t right. I was just alone.

The mantra in my head was “do more, do better.” And if I accomplished this, I would get everything I wanted. Just like everyone else. I told myself things like:

You’re too difficult. Why can’t you just stay quiet? He didn’t choose you because you’re too domineering. Why can’t you just go with the flow? Everyone else is getting it, why can’t you? You don’t HAVE to speak up every time you disagree with something. Just do what they’re asking, don’t question it. Blend in. Keep your head down. Don’t make waves. You don’t need to stand out. You’re not as good as you think you are. Blend. In.

This dialogue has been on repeat in my head for months. In work, in love, in life. So I just kept trying to blend in.

And for the record….. I failed.

Miserably.

In fact…. my entire team at work revolted against me. I lost friendships. I ended up falling for someone who was terrible for me…. only to get my heart broken. In trying to be what I thought I was supposed to, I lost everything. Worse yet? I started forgetting who I was.

I wish I could say this was the first time I’d forgotten something so important. But it’s not. This pattern isn’t anything new to me. I’ve repeated it often in the last 31 years. I could never quite figure out how to stop it from happening. But for some reason, this morning, looking at that ONE Stargazer Lily I reached a different kind of clarity.

A clarity that may have shifted something in me permanently.

Sometimes the best surprises a hidden until they’re ready to be seen. Sometimes you just have to bloom as you are. Sometimes, something as small as a bouquet of flowers can make the biggest impact. And sometimes all it takes is a little time to find your true colors.

This morning I saw this beautiful flower in all its glory, standing out among its equally beautiful sisters and I was in awe of her ability to stand out loud and proud…. all the while not taking anything away from the flowers around her. And while the beauty of the bouquet was evident, it was this stand alone flower that was breathtaking. And all the while I didn’t know she was there. Because until this morning, she wasn’t ready.

There were so many thoughts going through my head I couldn’t even put them on paper fast enough but I do know this: that one flower changed my mindset today.

She showed me to just bloom, no matter who’s around you. And never be afraid to stand out. Don’t dull your colors for anyone.

Stand up, show up. Your beauty deserves to be recognized. Even if you’re a little late to the game.

Be your own Stargazer.