I’ve had this blog for a little over five years it turns out. You know how I know? Because WordPress reminded me this year when it was almost time to renew my site dues. “Congratulations! You’ve had your virtual space for five years, now run me my money b*tch.” And that’s basically all she wrote.

LITERALLY. I think I might have maybe 50 posts live on this site and a handful in the drafts/queue waiting for me to dust off my balls when I find them again. That’s about, probably under, 10 posts a year. Not even once a month. And I can ASSURE you in the last 5 years there have been plenty of stories to share.

It’s a bit of a paradox to be a storyteller who’s afraid of people reading her stories. Not because I’m afraid to tell them, or that they won’t be liked.

You see, it’s not the story I’m afraid to tell. My life really has been a misadventure and a pretty f*cking funny one if I’m being honest. From start to present I truly can’t make up some of moments. But for me the fear comes into play when I think about what the moments, and more importantly my shared point of view of them, might really tell the world about ME. All these carefully constructed walls that I like to pretend are “boundaries” (thanks Brene for that one, we love to hide behind that word over here!) might just come crumbling down and then where would I be? Most likely stuck with 2 cups of coffee in my hand. And even that’s a story for another day.

Recently I have found myself almost chanting under my breath “just be brave, just be brave, you’re being brave, keep being brave, you’re brave.” I don’t really know why “BRAVE” is the word that keeps coming to mind when I dubbed this year’s word as “freedom.” But BRAVE is a word I can’t escape

When I moved across the country almost a year ago I THOUGHT that was being brave. I have since learned that, that move was only just the beginning. That BRAVE would come to mean so much more than uprooting my geographical location.

BRAVE would come to mean learning to say no when something doesn’t sit well with me. BRAVE would be telling someone I’m crazy about them because it was true and I needed them to know. BRAVE would be saying “this just really isn’t for me” with no other explanation other than it wasn’t. It would mean quitting my job because what I was doing didn’t make my smile anymore. It would be reaching out whether I get a response or not, letting go of things no longer meant for me, saying thank you when something made my day, crying when something made me sad, being open even when I was met with closed doors. It would mean writing about my fear of writing for the world and sharing it anyway.

I said earlier that my word for the year was supposed to be “freedom.” For the last 5 years I have picked a different word at the beginning of the year and spent that year learning and re-learning what that word means for me. I now keep them taped to my laptop. In order they have been: passion, purpose, alignment, fearless, and freedom. I’m not sure where this BRAVE comes into play here, but I will tell you that I have learned this so far:

To get to FREEDOM, I have to go through BRAVE.

Be BRAVE.