My anxiety has continued to grow to new heights over the last 3 years. It comes and goes in waves, as it has for my entire life, the difference is in the past I held no space for its existence.

My thought process was if I just kept going, there would be no time for anxiety therefore it would just have to work itself out into some other form of expression. (Where’s my Type-A control freaks at?!)

For a while it worked. My anxiety became my springboard for success in work and fitness because all that extra energy that was bubbling under surface would “help” me steam roll through sales and projects. It would “help” me stay up long nights making marathon ribbons or pulling off anniversary events on budgets of practically $0 because SURE! I can be in 8 places at once.

Then came the crash. Or rather, crash-ES. Plural.

Still. I ignored the real issue- I continued to push through my anxiety and be a lighthouse for other peoples businesses and personal development. My anxiety became my super power in my mind.

I was “strong enough” to be having a hard time breathing through my own personal mountains AND still show up for others in my life.

Fast forward to the end of 2021 when all of that came to a screeching halt.

My anxiety had been pushed down for SO long that I was no longer able to get out of bed in the morning without hyperventilating. Small criticisms became gigantic personal attacks. I couldn’t answer texts. I didn’t want to leave my house to see friends. Daily it felt like I just couldn’t breathe.

I finally started to acknowledge my own issues. I was forced to because my bucket finally became so full with unresolved traumas from years past that I no longer had room for family, friends, mistakes, growth, or really ANYTHING.

I spent all of 2022 fighting this battle. I was open about it. Honest about to my friends and family. It made me feel weak. And sometimes their responses compounded that feeling of weakness. I got things like “Jesus Christ, you’re still having anxiety?!” and “You’re not over that yet?!” or “You’re still thinking about that?!”

The answer was a confident YES. I AM. And only then- only through acknowledgement of my perceived “weakness”- was I able to finally begin the process of healing my traumas and in turn, my anxiety.

Through acknowledgement I am only NOW (in 2023) able to begin implementing strategies and routines to help me THROUGH this journey and not just past it.

It is a daily recommitment that I sometimes fail. When that happens, I wake up the next day and try again. Not by pretending it didn’t happen, but instead by allowing space for the imperfection and choosing to try again anyway.

I know now that I will never stop trying. Because me and all my parts are worthy of acknowledgement and therefore worthy of the work it takes to heal.