They say life will continue to teach you the same lesson over and over again until the lesson is learned. Like it’s some kind of punishment for being inept at learning. Almost like you’re being stupid by not learning it. Maybe that’s my trauma talking but here me out- I think I’m beginning to disagree with that. Here’s my theory- let me know what you think:

When I think back to my grade school days they crammed so much shit in our heads- history, literature, math, science. And honestly the only thing I’ve retained is that A squared plus B squared equals C squared. And when the FUCK do we ever really need the Pythagorean theorem?!

So essentially what I’m getting at is no matter WHAT we learn as humans, at whatever age, we’re constantly forgetting because it hasn’t had a need to be applied consistently. We are constantly having to re-learn the same things over and over. Not because we didn’t learn them but because our understanding of them has changed and our need for them hasn’t presented itself up until that point. WE’VE changed and so has our relation to what we’ve known up until then.

How we relate to the outside world is in constant flux. Through new experiences, connections, and mistakes, we develop a new understanding of what it means to exist within the world and it’s influences, constraints, and social norms. Which are all ALSO changing constantly.

When I begin getting overwhelmed with life, as one does from time to time, I usually come to recognize that I’ve been neglecting the tools I’ve learned up through and to that point that have regulated me in the past. Whenever I take a moment to see that I’m drowning in my own thoughts or responsibilities I ultimately hit a point where I’m forced to take a deep breath, sometimes in the form of a scream or a cry, and like a truck it hits me that I haven’t meditated, I haven’t written, I haven’t consulted my tarot cards, I haven’t read, I haven’t done a fucking thing that brings me joy and regulation.

So I begin again. I re-learn. I re-learn how to apply the tools I’ve worked hard to learn in the first to whatever “new” stimulation or experience I’m having and how to adapt them to my current state. And the definition of those tools, the physical acts of them, the application of them begin to shift and vary. Because I’ve shifted.

I start to recognize that words like joy, love, compassion, ease, calm have changed because what brings me to those feelings have changed. Maybe meditation is still the key but maybe meditation is now found in movement or new breathwork. Maybe writing is still the key but maybe writing poetry has become writing articles and Instagram captions that other people can relate to because you sharing your journey has become the deeper medicine you need to be well again.

Anyway, that’s my thought for this September morning. Take it, leave it, do with it what you will but whatever you do, don’t stop feel stupid for having to re-learn something you might have already learned in the first place.